bottom_draco

Title: Ambivalent Lucidity

Rating: Currently around an R

Pairing: Harry/Draco, Remus/Sirius

Summary: When Draco becomes schizophrenic and MPD due to unknown causes, Dumbledore charges Harry with getting through to him, but Harry becomes more involved than he planned, and finds himself dealing with more than just Draco’s emotional problems. HD, Re-edited!

Chapter: Twenty-Five! (And I'm still pushing strong! I know the ending, but you know, it's not going to happen for like another million chapters)

Chapter Title: Answers

Warnings: (Fic warnings) Hints of incest and non-con, Psychological disorders, crazy!Draco, insane!Lucius, Sirius rebirth, a hint of unconventional pedophilia in there somewhere, various others, I'm sure.

Author’s Note: ROFL I got so many reviews with "Now you have two crazy women with a gun to your head" that I’m terrified. I think there were light eight of you who were threatening me. XD You gotta love it. Anyway, for those of you skeptical about Lucius being able to have his son, that will be explained in this chapter. This is a big explanation chapter. I TOLD you it would be coming, now didn’t I? Be good, and I might throw some smut in here, too. Onward, faithful steed! Do you realize that this is chapter twenty-five? That’s ONE QUARTER OF A HUNDRED. JESUS. This fic is so much a part of my life. O_o;

And now, Sakai Michiba presents:

Ambivalent Lucidity

Chapter Twenty-Five

Draco had been a quiet observer in Grimmauld Place for the past few days. The place was, surprisingly to him, very busy all the time. He rarely got to see Harry, as his lover was often in strategy meetings and private discussions with the adults. Harry was not a full-fledged member of the Order of the Phoenix, but, as far as Draco was concerned, he may as well have been. It was lonely around the dusty old place by himself.

He spent most of his Harry-free time exploring. Number 12, Grimmauld Place was enormous with its many rooms and secrets, and he was never, ever bored. He was particularly fascinated by the family tree, wondering whose names had been blasted off. He knew that his mother had owned a tapestry similar to this, and that it hung in the sitting room of the Malfoy Manor. He had never taken the time to look over it, and when he did, he found his parents’ names immediately.

Following the line downward from their names, he found his own, then gave a bit of a start as he found that his name was tied to Harry Potter’s. They were not married, he knew, so what was the symbolism. In awe, he reached up and drew his fingers across it, confused.

"Ah, Mister Malfoy, I see that you have found the surprise on the tapestry. Believe me, we are all as confused as you are." That voice rang in Draco’s head for a few moments, his eyes widening, and he flipped around to see his own godfather standing there, a smirk on his face. Suppressing his boyish whim to run over to him and hug him (after all, he had been alone for several hours, and that, for a Malfoy, is not at all healthy), Draco sauntered over, a smile on his face, and he nodded.

"Yes, I see it...but Severus, what in the name of Merlin are you doing here? This is the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix..." He had never been so surprised as to see his godfather, one of Voldemort’s finest, standing there in Sirius Black’s home.

Severus seemed to contemplate this for a while, then he gave a nod. "Why yes, Draco, I suppose it is. Whatever will I do." He said it so unenthusiastically that Draco flinched. "I figured that you, of all people, would have figured out where my loyalties lie. Is it so surprising?" Snape watched as Draco thought for a moment then shook his head. "Wonderful. I knew you were a bright boy. Now, we have many things to discuss since you have rid yourself of most of your personalities..."

Draco’s eyes widened–this was his chance to get some answers! Eagerly, he followed Severus as he led him to a sitting room (which was not nearly as splendid and extravagant as his own, but at least it was comfortable) and sat down on the old couch, smiling at the way he sank into it. "Now, Draco," Severus began, and he steepled his fingers beneath his chin, watching his godson lean forward. "I will answer any question at all regarding your father, your mother’s death...anything. Do not hesitate on my account."

The Slytherin boy leaned back into the couch and sighed, trying his best to think even though there were fifteen thousand thoughts (or so he assumed) running through his head. There were so many questions, but he did not know, exactly, where to start. "Where, sir, do you think that I should begin? I mean...I...there’s a lot."

"Might I suggest starting from the beginning? It is, after all, a logical start."

Draco nodded, deciding to ease his way into the conversation. "How long have you been working for Dumbledore?" he asked, still shocked by this fact. "And did my father ever know? Does he know now?"

Severus sighed and seemed to count in his mind. "I have been working for Dumbledore...for a long time. It began after you were born, I know, but I am not sure of the year. No, your father never knew. I’m sure he suspected, but he was never for certain of my standing. Now, I am not sure what your father knows. I have no idea what goes on inside his head anymore." To Draco, Snape sounded as though he were trying to restrain some emotion, but he decided not to press it. He had once seen his father and his godfather in the Malfoy library, Severus scowling while Lucius yelled at him, and he had seen how quickly his father had given in when Severus had leaned forward to press a kiss to Lucius’ lips. At the time, Draco had been terribly shocked, but now, the thought made him sad.

What Severus must go through, he thought, to see Lucius a shell of the man he once was. Draco could remember a time when Lucius would lift him high into the air, smiling genuinely, but that was all just a dream now. Draco never wanted to see his father again. He was briefly overcome with emotion, but it was conquered within moments, and he looked his godfather in the eye again. "Why did my mother..." He could not bear to say it, but he knew that Severus would know exactly what he was implying. "You know, with a Muggle weapon and not with magic?" He was proud of the fact that his voice remained steady–this was not a subject that he had discussed with anyone except Harry.

Severus sighed heavily at this, and he found that he could not look at his godson for fear that he might see the pain radiating off of the boy. "Your mother was under the Imperius Curse, Draco. Your father had many people under the influence of the curse, and thus, he could not control them all at once. As he was weakening in prison due to madness, he ordered her to kill herself in front of you to...weaken your mind. He told her to do it in the messiest way possible so it would give you nightmares, and though your father was opposed to Muggle weaponry, the barbarians just so happen to have the messiest weapon of them all..." He said this with a heavy heart, and he glanced just in time to see Draco’s face crumple. The boy quickly raised his hands to cover his expression, and Severus stood then, walking across to his godson and kneeling before him. "Draco? Are you all right?"

"Oh yes," Draco quipped, his voice trying hard not to break. "I’m fine, Severus, just bloody FINE! God DAMN IT!" Draco stood abruptly, giving in to a bout of emotion, and kicked the hell out of an endtable. The silence in the rest of the house was very thick–he knew that everyone was listening. He did not care–let them listen in on his pain. He hoped it was satisfying to them. His fists balled up, and he was just about to start yelling again when he heard hurried footfalls on the stairs. The door was pushed open, and Harry stood there, looking very concerned.

"Draco?" he asked, giving Severus a glance then forgetting about him as he hurried over to his lover and looked into his face, swallowing when he saw the pain there. "Draco, what’s going on?" He did not try to mask the worry in his voice, and when Draco leaned silently against him, he knew exactly how upset he was. Calmly, he led Draco over to the couch and sat down with him, giving the Potions master a worried glance as the blonde cried against his shoulder.

At length, Draco had calmed down enough to look at Severus again, though he did not stray from Harry’s hold. "And...the letter?"

Harry understood then–he had been speaking with Dumbledore in a room that was sealed off when Molly had suggested that he go to Draco in the sitting room. "Um...Would you like me to go?" he asked quietly, looking down at Draco. The blonde seemed to consider it for a moment, but he shook his head.

Severus sighed and sat back down, watching the pair for a moment. It pained him to see them together, to see them so affectionate as he and Lucius had once been, to know that one day, they might grow apart, leaving one of them still very much in love while the other seemed to completely forget that there had ever been a relationship. "The letter...It was a fake, Draco. It was meant to throw you off, to further weaken your mind." He was glad that this did not have a crushing effect on his godson–it was obvious that Harry was his rock. Draco merely nodded and sighed heavily, leaning against Harry.

Harry was pensive for a few moments, then he cleared his throat. "If you don’t mind my asking, Professor...Why would Draco’s father be able to request that he return home over the holidays? Shouldn’t...that be really, really illegal?" This was a question that had been burdening him since Draco first received the letter, and by the way Draco stiffened, he could tell that this was an issue with his lover as well.

Severus actually perked up at the mention of this, and Harry gave him an odd look. "I was astonished that you did not ask this earlier," he said, and he leaned forward. "Actually, Dumbledore was very excited that your father should ask you home for Christmas. It would keep him in one place for long enough that the Ministry would be able to make their arrest. You would not have remained in your father’s presence more than a few minutes or so."

Harry fumed at this–they were going to use Draco, compromising his sanity for their own means! He had just opened his mouth to say something when Severus held up a hand to quiet him. "BUT, we realized what this could do to Draco, thus, the plan was revised. I had a hand in that." Severus sounded so smug that Harry wanted to punch him.

Draco had relaxed a bit now, the tears having dried, and he succeeded in looking perfectly miserable. "Can we do something else, please?" he asked. He was in no mood to be talking anymore–all the talk of the most sensitive subjects had tired him. When his godfather nodded, he got up, hurrying ahead of Harry to run from the room. There was an awkward silence before Harry ran after Draco, running into their bedroom and closing the door behind himself.

"So, do you trust him yet?"

Sirius gave a horrible start and ripped the Extendable Ear from his ear, trying his best to hide it from a knowing Remus. "I-I don’t know what you’re t-talking about!" he laughed, trying to get the other to stop looking at him like that. He danced away from Remus each time the other man got close, but soon he was pinned against the wall, Remus’ hand thurst out in front of him. "Fine, fine...You know, Moony, you’re a terrible Marauder. Simply awful."

"I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sleep again," Remus said sarcastically, taking the Extendable Ear and shoving it into his pocket. "I’m so upset by your words, Padfoot. They cut me right to the bone. Really, I’m surprised I didn’t turn yo–" He was cut off by Sirius reaching out, seizing him about the waist and dragging him in for a sweet kiss. His heart lightened at this, and he reached up to touch his lover’s hair. "Padfoot, honestly...anyone could walk in...You can’t do that. You know how Molly gets." His tone was only lightly scolding, and he smiled as Sirius buried his face against his neck.

"See what I mean, Moony? No sense of adventure...none at all. As for Draco...He is my cousin, I suppose. And he isn’t all bad–he hates that damned Lucius...Hopefully, he’ll add Snivellus to the list soon. We can initiate him into the Marauders then...He’d have to curse Snivelly real good though, like a–" It was his turn to be cut off by Remus tilting his head upward and kissing his lips, quieting him effectively. "I knew you had it in you."

Remus smiled and took Sirius’ hands, drawing him away from the wall. "So I take it you trust him?" he asked, and when his lover reluctantly nodded, he leaned in and stole another kiss. "Good boy," he whispered, and he pulled Sirius off in the direction of their bedroom. "I’ll show you sense of adventure..."

Sirius was not one to complain.

Draco had lain down on the bed face-down, not even looking up when Harry came in. He was not crying–no, he refused to cry over this anymore. How could he have been so stupid? He should have known that his mother would never use a gun of her own free will. She hated Muggles as much as Lucius! He was stupid for not realizing this earlier.

"Draco?" The blonde winced a little as he felt a hand suddenly in his hair, and he shook his head a little. "No, Draco, please...Look at me?"

With a groan, Draco looked up to see Harry frowning at him, a very concerned look in his eyes. "There, are you happy?" Draco asked, and he started to bury his face in his pillow again when he found himself being flipped over and pinned to the mattress, Harry looking down at him with a hurt expression. "Damn it, Potter..."

"Last names. You’re mad at me." Harry sounded upset by his own words, and Draco sighed, shaking his head. "Yes, yes you are. You only call me ‘Potter’ if I’ve done something to piss you off..."

Draco looked away, swallowing hard and biting his lower lip as he drew in a breath. "...Sorry, Harry," he whispered, and he closed his eyes as he felt his lover take him in his arms and hold him. "I’m just...you know. Upset right now." A small, gracious smile spread over his lips as the other pulled a blanket over the both of them, and he settled against him, tracing a finger over his chest. "And you’ve been so busy lately...I’m lonely."

Harry seemed to be caught by surprise on this, and he buried his hand in Draco’s hair. "I’m sorry...I know I’ve been kind of busy, but...Voldemort’s been really quiet, and everyone’s worried. I don’t want anything to happen to you." He trailed a hand down the other’s side and smiled as he got a soft kiss on the column of his throat in return. "Besides, we’ll spend the next few days together, I promise. We have a trip tomorrow. We’re going to go to Hogsmeade for some Christmas shopping with Sirius and Remus. Can you stand them tagging along?"

Draco nodded a little and looked Harry in the eyes, glancing over him with sad eyes. "Yeah, okay. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, right?" When he received a nod in return, he smiled and snuck a glance at the ceiling with the intent of thinking, but he saw a sprig of mistletoe hanging happily above them, and he snorted. "Oh please. Did you hang that?" he asked, pointing upward.

Harry looked up and laughed, shaking his head. "No. I’ll bet Sirius did. By what I’ve heard, he and Remus have a whole room full, because they just can’t seem to get off of each other when they go in there." He smiled quietly and pressed his forehead to Draco’s. "But you know, we can’t possibly forego Christmas tradition...and I’m sure that mistletoe would feel absolutely useless if we didn’t even acknowledge what it means..."

Draco seemed to consider this a moment before he closed his eyes, just in time for Harry’s lips to meet his own. He decided that it would be best to put everything behind him. Sure, he had a few personalities left, and yes, he would be confronted with his father again, but he could handle it as long as Harry was here with him. His hands rested against his lover’s chest, and when he felt Harry’s tongue pressing against his lower lip, he opened his mouth and drew that tongue inside. The kiss was long and warm, and when it ended, he looked up to Harry with a soft expression. "Harry?"

"I love you, too, Draco," the Gryffindor whispered, and the blonde grinned, wrapping his arms around his lover and closing his eyes in content.

"Good. That mistletoe is scaring me...I think we need to satisfy it, nasty little voyeur that it is..." He was really in the mood for a good snogging, and Harry was, obviously, only very willing to comply.

Author’s note: OMFG I have taken so much Tylenol and omg I have never been more amused by the word "bean." This chapter makes me happy...or that could be the Tylenol. AHAHAHAHAHA Bean omfg. - Sakai Michiba

Need to catch up or start over?

X-posted ALL OVER THE PLACE! Sorry. u.u