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Aug. 7th, 2011 01:39 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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bottom_dracoMy boyfriend broke up with me today, so to commerate I wrote a small fic. It's basically my feelings put into a story and given a slashy twist. Everything I wrote is what I went though, I do hope anyone who reads this enjoys.
Not beta'd, to be honest I just want to get this out and to the public so I can feel better about myself, it's no longer bottled up.
Title: He knew It was Comming
Author: xxxx_Jenny_xxxx
Rating: PG
Pairing: You will find out ;D
Words: 2119
Summary: "He knew it was comming for a long time, but when it did it was so unexpected."
Warnings: Sort of angsty, it's a 'get it off my chest' kind of fic, OCC probably, no sex but Bottom!Draco in my head. Think of Draco as me in this fic, my feelings are his feelings.
He knew it was comming for a long time, but when it happened it was so unexpected.
“I'm breaking up with you.”
Those 5 words, he knew they were comming, he knew it, yet was struck with a sense of dread. Things had not been the same, his once loving boyfriend became controling, obsessive and distant. If he so much as looked at a friend, gone out with a family member, he was accused of making up excuses not to see his boyfriend, not to spend time with him. But he did spend time with him, more time than with his own family, his own family who soon started to resent the withdrawn, selfish nature his boyfriend protrayed.
“I love you”
He knew he loved him, he knows he still does, but sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes you need to let go in order to live your live, it hurts now, but he knows that soon he'll look back at the good times and not feel the regret, longing or loss of the situation. It could take weeks, months, years, he had to stay strong.
He had to stay strong.
Time and time again, he thought about it, time and time again he thought about leaving, just letting it go. Harsh words, derogatory insults, snide remarks, they were all just fun and games at first, his boyfriend's sense of humour. Yes, sense of humour.
It started to get old, very fast, it started to knaw on his conscience, grinding on his patience. How many times can his boyfriend call him 'stupid', a 'retard', an 'idiot'. He knew he wasn't these things, but he still allowed his boyfriend to say them, sure he tried to fight back, but a fear of saying what he really thought, fear of really and truely insulting his boyfriend held him back. He couldn't, he feared what he boyfriend may thing, would he get insulted? Would the insults get worse? Would he take it really bad and they'll have a fight?
Looking back it was pointless, why let someone else say whatever they want to hurt you, yet you be afraid to say as equally hurtful things back. That's not how a relationship goes, a relationship is give and take, love and respect, but when one person is afriad to give as good as he or she gets, the relationship is no longer even, one person gets the upperhand. One person gains control.
Yet he loved him didn't he? There were always the kind words, kind, loving words that made him feel so warm and loved inside that he felt no one could ever dampen them. Except the one person who made him feel this way, it's amazing how fast something good spoils, rots and decomposes right in front of his eyes. From loving hugs, to a sharp 'don't touch me'.
He was only messing right?
Before they got together, he was so strong, able to fend for himself, had his own group of friends, had his own life. He went out with them, had a night full of fun sharing secrets, inside jokes and hopes and dreams. Then he met him, the man of his dreams, who stumbled into his life one day and decided that he wanted him, decided to make him his. He went with it, and soon found himself with a loving new boyfriend, nothing like the others, the others were all young and immature, too immature to have a real relationship with.
This was different, at first things were going great, loving kisses, hand holding, saying 'I love you' over and over. But it changed. 4 years they were together, throught those 4 years good and bad stuff happened. At the time the good so covered up the bad that he didn't realise before it was too late.
Friends drifted away, he found himself hanging out with his boyfriend's friends. People he didn't normally get along with, but soon made up tenative relationships with, friendships even, but he sometimes still felt like the outsider.
When things started to get bad, the jealousy popped up, the insults happened and the attention and effection wained, he realised he had no one to help, no one to give their side of the story, no one to talk to. The worst thing to happen is loneliness, so he kept going back to him, kept going back no matter what was said, his boyfriend was still the only one there for him, old friends were well gone at this stage, he felt as if he was intruding on their lives by asking for help, he still is. After hearing those 5 words he finds himself at a loss, who will he turn to now? who will become his shoulder to cry on? His strenght?
“I'm breaking up with you.”
It's a statment, not an open argument. A statement, that's it, end of. He didn't have the energy to argue, they had been having arguments for a while now. Well more his boyfriend was leaving nasty, argumentitive messages and he just went along with it.
“Are you serious?”
It had to be asked, he knew it was comming, but he still had to ask. They got to the point in their relationship where he didn't know if his boyfriend was joking or not, he always had an odd sense of humour. It had to be asked. The butterflies started sommersaulting in his stomach. He won't let it show, shut your eyes. He can't let his boyfriend see how effected he want, he wanted to show he was strong.
His boyfriend always had a jealous streak. Other men and boys would talk to him, and his boyfriend would see green, would start fights, would get kicked out of pubs and night clubs because he felt he needed to defend him. He did not need defending, sure he secretly loved it at first, that his boyfriend loved him so much he didn't even want to see him talking to another man. But soon it got annoying, bumping into old friends would get the 'are you cheating on me' accusation. He couldn't talk to a friend's brother, couldn't even get a message without his boyfriend demanding to know who it is.
His boyfriends jealous streak because very apparent on his 18th birthday. They were together just over a year at the time. He got something he always wanted for his birthday, a horse, his very own arabian mare. He started spending a lot of time up at the yard getting to know new people, making new friends, out during the day with her.
His boyfriend did not like it.
He would insult the horse every chance he would get, he would never go up to see her, would never help him out when it comes to her. He would give out if he heard he was with her, he even claimed that he hated her.
He hated his horse ...
From the get go it seemed really odd. His boyfriend was jealous of an animal. Sure an animal that he loves with all his heart, and maybe that was what his boyfriend was jealous of. Unconditional love is not somehthing you can win with tokens or gifts. Unconditional love was something shared between strong bonds, parent and child, brother and sister, aunt and uncles. Unconditional love for a pet can work the same, that bond is created and is there forever, like a family memeber.
His boyfriend did not like this, did not like that she was taking over his life.
But she wasn't. If he was honest he went up to her a lot just to get away from his boyfriend. It was theone place he could forget, not think about his boyfriend and just relax and have fun. He knew he was safe there, his boyfriend would never go up to see him when he's with the horse, so he had the security. She became his shoulder to cry on, as pitiful as it sounds. She has so much unconditional love that he felt his happiest when with her. A mere pet, an animal. She would listen to everything going wrong, would nicker softly when he cried and would comfort him in her own way when he felt he had no one, nothing.
As his boyfriend grew jealous, so did the insults, the knock downs. He never felt to useless, so self conscience. He used to be loud, confident and self assured. Now he was afraid to say things, would stay quiet just to appease his boyfriend, would do something or go somewhere just to make his boyfriend be happy. Maybe then he would stop insulting and saying nasty things.
Of course it would work for a little while, but he always averted back to his old ways. His boyfriend would always claim 'You should know me enough now to know not to annoy me', but what's the point in avoiding saying stuff, doing things, walking around on eggshells when it comes to someone you love, and who loves you. Arn't you meant to be comfortable enough to say what you want, speak your feelings and ideas? You should not be scared to say something or do something just in case you offend or annoy your boyfriend. You should not feel like you have no control over a situation, he had allowed him to take the stearing wheel, it's very hard to get it back.
Then things picked up, he started to connect with old friends again, started to go out with them a bit. Started to get a taste of his old life back, and it made him happy. Happier than he had been in a while. He never felt comfortable with his boyfriends friends. His boyfriend started to get jealous of him spending so much time with his friends. He started accusing him of not wanting to spend time with him. He spend every evening and night with him, often untill 5am in the morning when he had to get up at 8am for school. He started to resent going up to his boyfriend, his selfishness started to wear him down. He started to feel sick a lot. His boyfriend was never sympathetic, claiming 'you're always sick'. He was always sick because his boyfriend was always pressuring him, stressing him and making him push his body way too far. He should not have lived like this, but he did, for 2 years straight. His boyfriend did not care that he had work in the morning, or school. His boyfriend dictated how long he stayed up for, and that was on average 10 hours a day.
And his boyfriend claimed he never went up to him.
Whenever he went to a family gathering, he's ask his boyfriend, but his boyfriend would always decline, saying he doesn't like meeting people and would feel awkward. He took it with a pinch of salt, maybe he'll become comfortable soon. But he never did, his parents picked up on his, his mother resenting his boyfriend as he was so stand-offish, his father neutral but secretly thinking his son could do so much better.
His boyfriend claimed that he went to family gatherings in order to get out of seeing him. His cousin died who was only 14, he died of cancer on the operating table during explorative surgery.
His boyfriend didn't even give him a hug or say it's alright. His boyfriend told him to get over it that he didn't look very sad so he didn't care. His boyfriend knows he has a stoic nature, afraid to show his feelings, afraid to let go, but his boyfriend does not care, it did not effect his immediate, selfish life, so he did not care.
His boyfriend started to hound him about getting up to his house, still claiming that he didn't spend enough time with him. At 9am there would be messages after messages after messages. He ended up going up to him just to appease him, wasting an entire day. There used to be a time when he would have loved this, spending time with his loving affectionate boyfriend. Loving being together, sharing sweet words, sweet gestures. Time really does create a sugar coated view on a relationship, but once it rains, the sugar melts and you can really see the truth.
“I'm breaking up with you”
Butterflies.
“Are you serious?”
Close your eyes.
“Yes”
Silently Draco opened his eyes, he got up from Harry's bed and left his house with a quiet 'good bye'.
He knew it was comming for a long time, but when it happened it was so unexpected.
Not beta'd, to be honest I just want to get this out and to the public so I can feel better about myself, it's no longer bottled up.
Title: He knew It was Comming
Author: xxxx_Jenny_xxxx
Rating: PG
Pairing: You will find out ;D
Words: 2119
Summary: "He knew it was comming for a long time, but when it did it was so unexpected."
Warnings: Sort of angsty, it's a 'get it off my chest' kind of fic, OCC probably, no sex but Bottom!Draco in my head. Think of Draco as me in this fic, my feelings are his feelings.
He knew it was comming for a long time, but when it happened it was so unexpected.
“I'm breaking up with you.”
Those 5 words, he knew they were comming, he knew it, yet was struck with a sense of dread. Things had not been the same, his once loving boyfriend became controling, obsessive and distant. If he so much as looked at a friend, gone out with a family member, he was accused of making up excuses not to see his boyfriend, not to spend time with him. But he did spend time with him, more time than with his own family, his own family who soon started to resent the withdrawn, selfish nature his boyfriend protrayed.
“I love you”
He knew he loved him, he knows he still does, but sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes you need to let go in order to live your live, it hurts now, but he knows that soon he'll look back at the good times and not feel the regret, longing or loss of the situation. It could take weeks, months, years, he had to stay strong.
He had to stay strong.
Time and time again, he thought about it, time and time again he thought about leaving, just letting it go. Harsh words, derogatory insults, snide remarks, they were all just fun and games at first, his boyfriend's sense of humour. Yes, sense of humour.
It started to get old, very fast, it started to knaw on his conscience, grinding on his patience. How many times can his boyfriend call him 'stupid', a 'retard', an 'idiot'. He knew he wasn't these things, but he still allowed his boyfriend to say them, sure he tried to fight back, but a fear of saying what he really thought, fear of really and truely insulting his boyfriend held him back. He couldn't, he feared what he boyfriend may thing, would he get insulted? Would the insults get worse? Would he take it really bad and they'll have a fight?
Looking back it was pointless, why let someone else say whatever they want to hurt you, yet you be afraid to say as equally hurtful things back. That's not how a relationship goes, a relationship is give and take, love and respect, but when one person is afriad to give as good as he or she gets, the relationship is no longer even, one person gets the upperhand. One person gains control.
Yet he loved him didn't he? There were always the kind words, kind, loving words that made him feel so warm and loved inside that he felt no one could ever dampen them. Except the one person who made him feel this way, it's amazing how fast something good spoils, rots and decomposes right in front of his eyes. From loving hugs, to a sharp 'don't touch me'.
He was only messing right?
Before they got together, he was so strong, able to fend for himself, had his own group of friends, had his own life. He went out with them, had a night full of fun sharing secrets, inside jokes and hopes and dreams. Then he met him, the man of his dreams, who stumbled into his life one day and decided that he wanted him, decided to make him his. He went with it, and soon found himself with a loving new boyfriend, nothing like the others, the others were all young and immature, too immature to have a real relationship with.
This was different, at first things were going great, loving kisses, hand holding, saying 'I love you' over and over. But it changed. 4 years they were together, throught those 4 years good and bad stuff happened. At the time the good so covered up the bad that he didn't realise before it was too late.
Friends drifted away, he found himself hanging out with his boyfriend's friends. People he didn't normally get along with, but soon made up tenative relationships with, friendships even, but he sometimes still felt like the outsider.
When things started to get bad, the jealousy popped up, the insults happened and the attention and effection wained, he realised he had no one to help, no one to give their side of the story, no one to talk to. The worst thing to happen is loneliness, so he kept going back to him, kept going back no matter what was said, his boyfriend was still the only one there for him, old friends were well gone at this stage, he felt as if he was intruding on their lives by asking for help, he still is. After hearing those 5 words he finds himself at a loss, who will he turn to now? who will become his shoulder to cry on? His strenght?
“I'm breaking up with you.”
It's a statment, not an open argument. A statement, that's it, end of. He didn't have the energy to argue, they had been having arguments for a while now. Well more his boyfriend was leaving nasty, argumentitive messages and he just went along with it.
“Are you serious?”
It had to be asked, he knew it was comming, but he still had to ask. They got to the point in their relationship where he didn't know if his boyfriend was joking or not, he always had an odd sense of humour. It had to be asked. The butterflies started sommersaulting in his stomach. He won't let it show, shut your eyes. He can't let his boyfriend see how effected he want, he wanted to show he was strong.
His boyfriend always had a jealous streak. Other men and boys would talk to him, and his boyfriend would see green, would start fights, would get kicked out of pubs and night clubs because he felt he needed to defend him. He did not need defending, sure he secretly loved it at first, that his boyfriend loved him so much he didn't even want to see him talking to another man. But soon it got annoying, bumping into old friends would get the 'are you cheating on me' accusation. He couldn't talk to a friend's brother, couldn't even get a message without his boyfriend demanding to know who it is.
His boyfriends jealous streak because very apparent on his 18th birthday. They were together just over a year at the time. He got something he always wanted for his birthday, a horse, his very own arabian mare. He started spending a lot of time up at the yard getting to know new people, making new friends, out during the day with her.
His boyfriend did not like it.
He would insult the horse every chance he would get, he would never go up to see her, would never help him out when it comes to her. He would give out if he heard he was with her, he even claimed that he hated her.
He hated his horse ...
From the get go it seemed really odd. His boyfriend was jealous of an animal. Sure an animal that he loves with all his heart, and maybe that was what his boyfriend was jealous of. Unconditional love is not somehthing you can win with tokens or gifts. Unconditional love was something shared between strong bonds, parent and child, brother and sister, aunt and uncles. Unconditional love for a pet can work the same, that bond is created and is there forever, like a family memeber.
His boyfriend did not like this, did not like that she was taking over his life.
But she wasn't. If he was honest he went up to her a lot just to get away from his boyfriend. It was theone place he could forget, not think about his boyfriend and just relax and have fun. He knew he was safe there, his boyfriend would never go up to see him when he's with the horse, so he had the security. She became his shoulder to cry on, as pitiful as it sounds. She has so much unconditional love that he felt his happiest when with her. A mere pet, an animal. She would listen to everything going wrong, would nicker softly when he cried and would comfort him in her own way when he felt he had no one, nothing.
As his boyfriend grew jealous, so did the insults, the knock downs. He never felt to useless, so self conscience. He used to be loud, confident and self assured. Now he was afraid to say things, would stay quiet just to appease his boyfriend, would do something or go somewhere just to make his boyfriend be happy. Maybe then he would stop insulting and saying nasty things.
Of course it would work for a little while, but he always averted back to his old ways. His boyfriend would always claim 'You should know me enough now to know not to annoy me', but what's the point in avoiding saying stuff, doing things, walking around on eggshells when it comes to someone you love, and who loves you. Arn't you meant to be comfortable enough to say what you want, speak your feelings and ideas? You should not be scared to say something or do something just in case you offend or annoy your boyfriend. You should not feel like you have no control over a situation, he had allowed him to take the stearing wheel, it's very hard to get it back.
Then things picked up, he started to connect with old friends again, started to go out with them a bit. Started to get a taste of his old life back, and it made him happy. Happier than he had been in a while. He never felt comfortable with his boyfriends friends. His boyfriend started to get jealous of him spending so much time with his friends. He started accusing him of not wanting to spend time with him. He spend every evening and night with him, often untill 5am in the morning when he had to get up at 8am for school. He started to resent going up to his boyfriend, his selfishness started to wear him down. He started to feel sick a lot. His boyfriend was never sympathetic, claiming 'you're always sick'. He was always sick because his boyfriend was always pressuring him, stressing him and making him push his body way too far. He should not have lived like this, but he did, for 2 years straight. His boyfriend did not care that he had work in the morning, or school. His boyfriend dictated how long he stayed up for, and that was on average 10 hours a day.
And his boyfriend claimed he never went up to him.
Whenever he went to a family gathering, he's ask his boyfriend, but his boyfriend would always decline, saying he doesn't like meeting people and would feel awkward. He took it with a pinch of salt, maybe he'll become comfortable soon. But he never did, his parents picked up on his, his mother resenting his boyfriend as he was so stand-offish, his father neutral but secretly thinking his son could do so much better.
His boyfriend claimed that he went to family gatherings in order to get out of seeing him. His cousin died who was only 14, he died of cancer on the operating table during explorative surgery.
His boyfriend didn't even give him a hug or say it's alright. His boyfriend told him to get over it that he didn't look very sad so he didn't care. His boyfriend knows he has a stoic nature, afraid to show his feelings, afraid to let go, but his boyfriend does not care, it did not effect his immediate, selfish life, so he did not care.
His boyfriend started to hound him about getting up to his house, still claiming that he didn't spend enough time with him. At 9am there would be messages after messages after messages. He ended up going up to him just to appease him, wasting an entire day. There used to be a time when he would have loved this, spending time with his loving affectionate boyfriend. Loving being together, sharing sweet words, sweet gestures. Time really does create a sugar coated view on a relationship, but once it rains, the sugar melts and you can really see the truth.
“I'm breaking up with you”
Butterflies.
“Are you serious?”
Close your eyes.
“Yes”
Silently Draco opened his eyes, he got up from Harry's bed and left his house with a quiet 'good bye'.
He knew it was comming for a long time, but when it happened it was so unexpected.
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Date: 2011-08-07 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-07 12:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-07 10:38 pm (UTC)