Baying At the Moon--THE END
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bottom_dracoThis is the end, beautiful friends. As I am posting this, H/D has 7 votes and S/D has 6, so I decided to satisfy everyone and write and ending for both. If you are H/D, here's your ending:
Title: Baying At the Moon (Working Title)
Author: Gwen Malfoy
Summary: The life and times of Draco Malfoy, through obsession, prostitution, and possession.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Draco/Harry, Draco/OMCs, Harry/Ginny,
Warnings: Blood-letting, weird sex, severe angst, attempted suicide, prostitution, self-mutilation.
Soundtrack: Jack Off Jill‘s “Star No Star“, “Nazi Halo“, The Distillers’ Coral Fang record
Archive: Yes, please.
Comments: Yes, please.
__________________________
Chapter 10: Persuasion (the H/D version)
The more you take, the more that I give in
Hungry eyes
I know, I know
Don’t go
Hold onto the memories, it’s all you got
I know you’ll be there to soak up blood lost
-The Distillers “The Hunger”
“I’m not gonna do this with you again, Potter. I haven’t got the opportunity nor the inclination.” Draco said calmly. Harry raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, we’re back to that, are we?” Draco smiled humorlessly.
“Yes, we are.” Harry sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.
“Draco,” He said quietly. “We’ve already been through this, and I’d hate to have to do what I did yesterday to you in front of the entire restaurant, though I‘m sure it would be hot as hell.”
“Oh, you mean yesterday when you practically raped me in my--”
“Oh, come *off* it! That wasn’t rape by any stretch of the imagination. Besides,” Harry said, leaning back. “You’re far too easy for me to have to rape.” Draco sighed and searched his pockets for his wallet. He stood, tossing a few pound notes on the table. “What are you doing?” Harry asked, sitting up in alarm.
“I’m leaving the tip and then I’m bloody leaving. I think we’re finished here.” Harry grabbed his wrist.
“Wait, hold on a second!”
“For what, Potter? What else is there to say?”
“Just *wait*. Sit down.” Harry said, giving his arm an insistent tug. Draco paused, biting his lip.
“You realize there’s nothing you can say that’s gonna change my mind?” Harry rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, whatever, just sit down.” Draco sat down and leaned back in his seat.
“Give me one good reason why I should listen to anything you say, Harry.”
“Christ, Draco, because I love you, okay?” Draco rolled his eyes.
“God, that again.”
“Draco, you know that I love you, I know that you love me, and there’s finally nothing keeping us from being happy, so what is it exactly that has you in such a
fucking conundrum?” Draco sighed.
“Harry, if it was just about me, you might be able to sway me, but even if I *wanted* to be with you, I can’t In case you haven’t you noticed, I have got *Seamus* to recall.” Harry shrugged.
“So break up with him.” Draco snorted, running a hand through his hair. “Really, you break up with Seamus, I’ll break up with Ginny, and then you won’t have any more excuses.”
“Seamus isn’t my excuse, Harry. I love him.” Harry scoffed.
“Yeah, well, I love Ginny too, but they’ll be okay.”
“I can’t do that to Seamus.”
“Yes, you can.”
“Alright, I *can*, but I’m not going to.” He started to stand. “I think I should go.”
“Look, I know that you love Seamus, but he’s *not* who you belong with, *I* am! I mean, Christ, have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re wearing my fucking *mark*!” He took Draco’s hands. “Just like I wear yours, because what we have is *permanent*, Draco.” They held each other’s gazes for a long moment before Draco sighed.
“And you’ll break up with Weasley?”
“I will if you’ll break up with Seamus.” Draco swallowed hard.
“I can’t--”
“You can. Say you will.”
“I will.”
******************************
Harry broke up with Ginny that night, whereas Draco spent the next two weeks in constant turmoil. When he finally sat Seamus down and told him he ‘didn’t think they should see each other anymore’, Seamus’ said a lot, in a voice choked with tears he didn’t shed, but Draco only half heard it. Finally, Seamus sighed and said,
“I guess I’ll go over to Dean’s.”
“Oh, no, no, I’ll go to Max’s.”
“You can have the flat if you want.” Draco winced.
“I couldn’t do that. You stay, I’ll go. I’ll start packing tomorrow.” They did not have a parting kiss.
****************
Draco went to Lance and Max’s, neither of whom offered an opinion on his sudden split with Seamus. He spent two hours in the bath, stroking his scar and wondering if he’d made the right choice. He remembered the look on Seamus’ face as he’d stumbled through his break-up speech, and when he’d offered him the flat; whether it was the right or wrong choice, it was definitely the selfish one.
****************
He found a flat a week later. Every time he had gone to pack, Seamus had been out, and Dean brought him the last of his stuff.
“It’s amazing how much stuff was over there considering you only lived there for a month.” Dean said, setting down the final box.
“Did Seamus send you over here?”
“Uh, yeah. Here’s you key.” He said, handing it to him. “He said he hopes you’re happy.” Dean paused. “Are you?” Draco sighed.
“I don’t know yet.” He answered honestly.
*************************
Harry came the night Draco finished moving in.
“How did Seamus take it?” He asked, sliding an arm around Draco’s waist. They stood in front if the huge window that took up an entire wall of the living room.
“I haven’t really seen him yet. Weasley?”
“Okay.” Harry kissed the back of Draco’s neck, his fingers seeking his lightening bolt under his shirt. Draco tipped his head back, familiar words running through his mind. ’Did I make the right choice?’
Harry traced his scar.
“Do you trust me?”
“Should I?”
“I don’t want to hurt you. But I will sometimes. But that’s okay, right? Because you’ll hurt me too, because we can, because we belong to each other.” His voice lowered and took on an almost pleading tone. “Do you belong to me, Draco?” Draco sighed and decided that it no longer mattered whether it was the right or wrong choice. Even if this wasn’t where he wanted to be, it was where he *belonged*. He gazed up at the endless, black expanse of the sky, the same sky that he’d looked up at through joy and sorrow, whether singing or baying at the moon, and smiled.
“Yes.”
~FIN~
******
(A/N at end of post)
And S/D:
Chapter 10: Persuasion (Seamus/Draco version)
It’s so insane
You’ve got me
Tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I’m fallin’ over
-Garbage “You Look So Fine”
“I’m not gonna do this with you again, Potter. I haven’t got the opportunity nor the inclination.” Draco said calmly. Harry raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, we’re back to that, are we?” Draco smiled humorlessly.
“Yes, we are.” Harry sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.
“Draco,” He said quietly. “We’ve already been through this, and I’d hate to have to do what I did yesterday to you in front of the entire restaurant, though I‘m sure it would be hot as hell.”
“Oh, you mean yesterday when you practically raped me in my--”
“Oh, come *off* it! That wasn’t rape by any stretch of the imagination. Besides,” Harry said, leaning back. “You’re far too easy for me to have to rape.” Draco sighed and searched his pockets for his wallet. He stood, tossing a few pound notes on the table. “What are you doing?” Harry asked, sitting up in alarm.
“I’m leaving the tip and then I’m bloody leaving. I think we’re finished here.” Harry grabbed his wrist.
“Wait, hold on a second!”
“For what, Potter? What else is there to say?”
“Just *wait*. Sit down.” Harry said, giving his arm an insistent tug. Draco paused, biting his lip.
“You realize there’s nothing you can say that’s gonna change my mind?” Harry rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, whatever, just sit down.” Draco sat down and leaned back in his seat.
“Give me one good reason why I should listen to anything you say, Harry.”
“Christ, Draco, because I love you, okay?” Draco rolled his eyes.
“God, that again.”
“Draco, you know that I love you, I know that you love me, and there’s finally nothing keeping us from being happy, so what is it exactly that has you in such a
fucking conundrum?” Draco sighed.
“Harry, if it was just about me, you might be able to sway me, but even if I *wanted* to be with you, I can’t In case you haven’t you noticed, I have got *Seamus* to recall.” Harry shrugged.
“So break up with him.” Draco snorted, running a hand through his hair. “Really, you break up with Seamus, I’ll break up with Ginny, and then you won’t have any more excuses.”
“Seamus isn’t my excuse, Harry. I love him.” Harry scoffed.
“Yeah, well, I love Ginny too, but they’ll be okay.”
“I can’t do that to Seamus.”
“Yes, you can.”
“Alright, I *can*, but I’m not going to.” He started to stand. “I think I should go.”
“Look, I know that you love Seamus, but he’s *not* who you belong with, *I* am! I mean, Christ, have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re wearing my fucking *mark*!” He took Draco’s hands. “Just like I wear yours, because what we have is *permanent*, Draco.” They held each other’s gazes for a long moment before Draco sighed.
“And you’ll break up with Weasley?”
“I will if you’ll break up with Seamus.” Draco swallowed hard.
“I can’t--”
“You can. Say you will.”
“I will.”
******************************
Harry broke up with Ginny that night, whereas Draco spent the next two weeks in constant turmoil. Every time Seamus told he loved him, he had to fight not to flinch.
When he finally sat Seamus down and told him he ‘didn’t think they should see each other anymore’, Seamus’ said a lot, in a voice choked with tears he didn’t shed, but Draco only half heard it. Finally, Seamus sighed and said,
“I guess I’ll go over to Dean’s.”
“Oh, no, no, I’ll go to Max’s.”
“You can have the flat if you want.” Draco winced.
“I couldn’t do that. You stay, I’ll go. I’ll start packing tomorrow.” They’re parting kiss was short and bittersweet. Mostly, Draco thought, bitter.
******************************
Draco went to Lance and Max’s, neither of whom offered an opinion on his sudden split with Seamus. He spent two hours in the bath, stroking his scar and wondering if he’d made the right choice. He remembered the look on Seamus’ face as he’d stumbled through his break-up speech, and when he’d offered him the flat; whether it was the right or wrong choice, it was definitely the selfish one.
******************************
He found a flat a week later. Every time he had gone to pack, Seamus had been out, and Dean brought him the last of his stuff.
“It’s amazing how much stuff was over there considering you only lived there for a month.” Dean said, setting down the final box.
“Did Seamus send you over here?”
“Um, yeah.”
“Is he okay? I mean, is he still upset?”
“Of course he’s still upset, you prat. He bloody loves you. I think he’s doing alright through. He hasn’t thrown himself out the window, in any case.” Draco looked down at the floor.
“Are you mad at me?” Dean paused.
“I’m not *mad*, I’m just--*disappointed*. I thought you and Seamus were in love.” Draco started to say, ‘We were’, but stopped.
“Things just don’t work out sometimes.” He said finally. Dean gave him a sad look and didn’t reply.
*************************
Harry came the night he had finished moving in and fucked him in every room of the flat. As Harry’s fingers stroked lazily over his lightening bolt and he whispered ’I love you’s in his ear, Draco thought that perhaps he had made the right decision after all.
*************************
The next day, Seamus came for the key to their flat.
“I could have just sent it with Dean, but I--well, I guess I thought you might have changed your mind or something.” He said, shrugging. He sighed and looked at Draco sadly. “Any chance of that happening?”
“Seamus, I--”
“I know, I know, it’s done.” Draco held the key out to him and their fingers brushed as Seamus reached for it. Their gazes held for a moment before Seamus locked his arms around him, holding him close for a moment. “I love you, don’t forget, okay?” He whispered.
“I won’t.” Seamus pulled back, his eyes wet with unshed tears.
“Try to take decent care of yourself, please.” He said. He closed his fingers around the key and walked out the door. Draco closed it behind him and stepped back into the flat. He stumbled back and sat on top of one of the boxes and fought not to scream.
Chapter 11: Contrition
It’s funny how
Even now
You still support me after all the things that I’ve done
…I never said I was perfect
But can you take me home?
-Garbage “Drive You Home”
He didn’t see Seamus again for two weeks when Dean invited him to his own dinner party. (Dean’s dinner parties were infamous for having no dinner, just an endless supply of crisps and lager.) It was, as Dean put it at the door, the whole gang.
This phrase included both Harry and Seamus. Draco spent the majority of the party counting how many minutes he had to stay before he could leave and still be polite.
Towards the end of the night, Seamus silently pulled him into the kitchen and said,
“How’ve you been?”
“Um, I’ve been okay. You?”
“I’m fine…are you any happier yet?”
“I don’t know. Seamus, you know I wish things could have been different, I just--I couldn’t--”
“No, you don’t have to explain. I wouldn’t want you to stay with me if you aren’t happy--I just thought you *were*.”
“I *was*, I just--I had to leave.”
“Okay…I mean, I just want you to be happy.” He put his arms out. Draco sighed and went into the embrace. Seamus arms went around him and Draco allowed himself to relax into the other boy with a sigh. He slid his hands up to Seamus’ hair. They both pulled back at the same time and looked at each other for a moment before Draco leaned forward and pressed their mouths together with a sigh of great relief. He moaned into the kiss as Seamus’ hands went to his hips and their mouths opened, tongues slicking together. As soon as the kiss was broken, Seamus’ mouth went to his neck, brushing across his skin gently, and Draco shook because he was so used to Harry’s teeth sunk into his skin.
Draco’s eyes opened and he started slightly; Harry was standing in the doorway.
“Don’t mind me, I only came to get the dip.” Harry said, his voice tight. He brushed past them and went to the refrigerator. As he passed them on his way out, his eyes caught Draco’s, and they burned angrily.
When they were alone again, Draco pulled away from Seamus and stepped back towards the door.
“I can’t do this, Seamus, I don’t know what I was doing, I’m sorry, I’m gonna go.” He blurted madly. He backed out of the door, leaving Seamus staring after him.
************************
That night, Draco’s doorbell rang at half past midnight. It was Harry.
“Hi. You know, you might have called, it’s bloody--” That was as much as Draco got out before he found himself slammed against the wall with Harry’s fingers closing tightly around his throat. “Harry,” He rasped, clutching at the other boy’s wrists. “What are you--?”
“You fucking *whore*,” Harry spat, dragging him towards the bedroom. “I’m gonna fucking kill you,” He said, throwing Draco on the bed. Draco inched away, massaging his throat.
“Harry, calm down. What happened in the kitchen was just--” Harry grabbed his wrist and hauled him up into a sitting position before shoving him face-down on the bed and climbing on top of him, pressing his face into the mattress.
“Was just *what*, Draco?” He hissed, pulling his head up viciously by the hair.
“It was just--I didn’t mean to, it just--”
“I should just put you out of your misery, you little cock-whore.” He climbed off him. “In any event, I should be able to remind you whose you are.”
Draco turned over. Harry was fishing in the nightstand with his back to him. Draco slid off of the bed and stumbled backwards toward the bathroom. Harry looked up at him and raised an eyebrow at him. “Where do you think you’re going, Draco? Lay down.” Draco took another step back.
“Harry, I need you to--” Harry stood up and started towards him.
“I said lay down on the fucking bed!” Draco backed into the bathroom and swung the door shut behind him and locking the door just as Harry’s hand got there. He shouted and banged from the other side of the door, rattling the doorknob madly.
Draco fought back a wave of panic and tried to slow his breathing. Hr relaxed slightly as the yelling and blows from the bedroom died down.
After a few minutes of silence, Draco cautiously opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom. Harry was lying on the bed, and he was silent as Draco came out.
“Harry, this isn’t right. I love you, but I can’t live like this, not again.” He went to the bedroom door. “I’m sorry, but I can’t be yours anymore, never again.” Harry did not speak and Draco did not ask.
***************************
Draco had not set out for Seamus’ apartment, but when Seamus opened the door, he was glad that was where he had winded up there.
“Um, hi. You know it’s one in the morning?” Seamus asked. He stepped back. “Come in.”
“I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
“Oh, no, I was up. Haven’t really been able to sleep lately.” He said with a rueful grin.
“Oh.”
“Uh, I’m glad to see you, but is there any particular reason you’re here?”
“Oh, Seamus, I made a stupid mistake. I thought I could be happier than I was with you, but I’ll never find anyone better than you, and I know that now. It’s not too late, is it? To come back?” Seamus shrugged.
“Are you willing to beg?”
“What?”
“I’m not really going to make you, I just want to know if you would.”
“Er, yeah, I suppose.”
“Well, it’s easy for you to say that *now*, since you don’t have to. But, you know, for you to go and just come back again, that I may need convincing for. I think you will have to fulfill my darkest sexual fantasies. We’ll need some feathers, some chocolate sauce, and possibly a rubber chicken.” Draco laughed through impending tears.
“Just answer yes or no, you prat.” Seamus rolled his eyes and put his arms around him.
“Of course I’ll take you back, you idiot. In case you haven’t notice, I’m a bloody wreck without you. You almost drove me to prove the old ‘Irish drunk’ stereotype.” Draco sobbed with a smile.
“You mean you weren’t an Irish drunk before?”
“Oh, shut up. I love you.” Draco whispered the words back.
Cool, silver light streamed in through the windows, but Draco knew his days of baying at the moon were over.
~FIN~
********
A/N Ta-da!!! I was wavering on which pair I was into until the very last moment. I hope I pleased both sides. To bay means to howl in long, deep tones, which I rake to imply sorrow. The phrase 'baying at the moon' comes from the play 'The Tragedy of Julius Caesar' by William Shakespear. I forget which part, but it's referring to Brutus and the line just stuck with me. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed! Oh, and PLEASE REVIEW!
Title: Baying At the Moon (Working Title)
Author: Gwen Malfoy
Summary: The life and times of Draco Malfoy, through obsession, prostitution, and possession.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Draco/Harry, Draco/OMCs, Harry/Ginny,
Warnings: Blood-letting, weird sex, severe angst, attempted suicide, prostitution, self-mutilation.
Soundtrack: Jack Off Jill‘s “Star No Star“, “Nazi Halo“, The Distillers’ Coral Fang record
Archive: Yes, please.
Comments: Yes, please.
__________________________
Chapter 10: Persuasion (the H/D version)
The more you take, the more that I give in
Hungry eyes
I know, I know
Don’t go
Hold onto the memories, it’s all you got
I know you’ll be there to soak up blood lost
-The Distillers “The Hunger”
“I’m not gonna do this with you again, Potter. I haven’t got the opportunity nor the inclination.” Draco said calmly. Harry raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, we’re back to that, are we?” Draco smiled humorlessly.
“Yes, we are.” Harry sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.
“Draco,” He said quietly. “We’ve already been through this, and I’d hate to have to do what I did yesterday to you in front of the entire restaurant, though I‘m sure it would be hot as hell.”
“Oh, you mean yesterday when you practically raped me in my--”
“Oh, come *off* it! That wasn’t rape by any stretch of the imagination. Besides,” Harry said, leaning back. “You’re far too easy for me to have to rape.” Draco sighed and searched his pockets for his wallet. He stood, tossing a few pound notes on the table. “What are you doing?” Harry asked, sitting up in alarm.
“I’m leaving the tip and then I’m bloody leaving. I think we’re finished here.” Harry grabbed his wrist.
“Wait, hold on a second!”
“For what, Potter? What else is there to say?”
“Just *wait*. Sit down.” Harry said, giving his arm an insistent tug. Draco paused, biting his lip.
“You realize there’s nothing you can say that’s gonna change my mind?” Harry rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, whatever, just sit down.” Draco sat down and leaned back in his seat.
“Give me one good reason why I should listen to anything you say, Harry.”
“Christ, Draco, because I love you, okay?” Draco rolled his eyes.
“God, that again.”
“Draco, you know that I love you, I know that you love me, and there’s finally nothing keeping us from being happy, so what is it exactly that has you in such a
fucking conundrum?” Draco sighed.
“Harry, if it was just about me, you might be able to sway me, but even if I *wanted* to be with you, I can’t In case you haven’t you noticed, I have got *Seamus* to recall.” Harry shrugged.
“So break up with him.” Draco snorted, running a hand through his hair. “Really, you break up with Seamus, I’ll break up with Ginny, and then you won’t have any more excuses.”
“Seamus isn’t my excuse, Harry. I love him.” Harry scoffed.
“Yeah, well, I love Ginny too, but they’ll be okay.”
“I can’t do that to Seamus.”
“Yes, you can.”
“Alright, I *can*, but I’m not going to.” He started to stand. “I think I should go.”
“Look, I know that you love Seamus, but he’s *not* who you belong with, *I* am! I mean, Christ, have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re wearing my fucking *mark*!” He took Draco’s hands. “Just like I wear yours, because what we have is *permanent*, Draco.” They held each other’s gazes for a long moment before Draco sighed.
“And you’ll break up with Weasley?”
“I will if you’ll break up with Seamus.” Draco swallowed hard.
“I can’t--”
“You can. Say you will.”
“I will.”
******************************
Harry broke up with Ginny that night, whereas Draco spent the next two weeks in constant turmoil. When he finally sat Seamus down and told him he ‘didn’t think they should see each other anymore’, Seamus’ said a lot, in a voice choked with tears he didn’t shed, but Draco only half heard it. Finally, Seamus sighed and said,
“I guess I’ll go over to Dean’s.”
“Oh, no, no, I’ll go to Max’s.”
“You can have the flat if you want.” Draco winced.
“I couldn’t do that. You stay, I’ll go. I’ll start packing tomorrow.” They did not have a parting kiss.
****************
Draco went to Lance and Max’s, neither of whom offered an opinion on his sudden split with Seamus. He spent two hours in the bath, stroking his scar and wondering if he’d made the right choice. He remembered the look on Seamus’ face as he’d stumbled through his break-up speech, and when he’d offered him the flat; whether it was the right or wrong choice, it was definitely the selfish one.
****************
He found a flat a week later. Every time he had gone to pack, Seamus had been out, and Dean brought him the last of his stuff.
“It’s amazing how much stuff was over there considering you only lived there for a month.” Dean said, setting down the final box.
“Did Seamus send you over here?”
“Uh, yeah. Here’s you key.” He said, handing it to him. “He said he hopes you’re happy.” Dean paused. “Are you?” Draco sighed.
“I don’t know yet.” He answered honestly.
*************************
Harry came the night Draco finished moving in.
“How did Seamus take it?” He asked, sliding an arm around Draco’s waist. They stood in front if the huge window that took up an entire wall of the living room.
“I haven’t really seen him yet. Weasley?”
“Okay.” Harry kissed the back of Draco’s neck, his fingers seeking his lightening bolt under his shirt. Draco tipped his head back, familiar words running through his mind. ’Did I make the right choice?’
Harry traced his scar.
“Do you trust me?”
“Should I?”
“I don’t want to hurt you. But I will sometimes. But that’s okay, right? Because you’ll hurt me too, because we can, because we belong to each other.” His voice lowered and took on an almost pleading tone. “Do you belong to me, Draco?” Draco sighed and decided that it no longer mattered whether it was the right or wrong choice. Even if this wasn’t where he wanted to be, it was where he *belonged*. He gazed up at the endless, black expanse of the sky, the same sky that he’d looked up at through joy and sorrow, whether singing or baying at the moon, and smiled.
“Yes.”
~FIN~
******
(A/N at end of post)
And S/D:
Chapter 10: Persuasion (Seamus/Draco version)
It’s so insane
You’ve got me
Tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I’m fallin’ over
-Garbage “You Look So Fine”
“I’m not gonna do this with you again, Potter. I haven’t got the opportunity nor the inclination.” Draco said calmly. Harry raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, we’re back to that, are we?” Draco smiled humorlessly.
“Yes, we are.” Harry sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.
“Draco,” He said quietly. “We’ve already been through this, and I’d hate to have to do what I did yesterday to you in front of the entire restaurant, though I‘m sure it would be hot as hell.”
“Oh, you mean yesterday when you practically raped me in my--”
“Oh, come *off* it! That wasn’t rape by any stretch of the imagination. Besides,” Harry said, leaning back. “You’re far too easy for me to have to rape.” Draco sighed and searched his pockets for his wallet. He stood, tossing a few pound notes on the table. “What are you doing?” Harry asked, sitting up in alarm.
“I’m leaving the tip and then I’m bloody leaving. I think we’re finished here.” Harry grabbed his wrist.
“Wait, hold on a second!”
“For what, Potter? What else is there to say?”
“Just *wait*. Sit down.” Harry said, giving his arm an insistent tug. Draco paused, biting his lip.
“You realize there’s nothing you can say that’s gonna change my mind?” Harry rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, whatever, just sit down.” Draco sat down and leaned back in his seat.
“Give me one good reason why I should listen to anything you say, Harry.”
“Christ, Draco, because I love you, okay?” Draco rolled his eyes.
“God, that again.”
“Draco, you know that I love you, I know that you love me, and there’s finally nothing keeping us from being happy, so what is it exactly that has you in such a
fucking conundrum?” Draco sighed.
“Harry, if it was just about me, you might be able to sway me, but even if I *wanted* to be with you, I can’t In case you haven’t you noticed, I have got *Seamus* to recall.” Harry shrugged.
“So break up with him.” Draco snorted, running a hand through his hair. “Really, you break up with Seamus, I’ll break up with Ginny, and then you won’t have any more excuses.”
“Seamus isn’t my excuse, Harry. I love him.” Harry scoffed.
“Yeah, well, I love Ginny too, but they’ll be okay.”
“I can’t do that to Seamus.”
“Yes, you can.”
“Alright, I *can*, but I’m not going to.” He started to stand. “I think I should go.”
“Look, I know that you love Seamus, but he’s *not* who you belong with, *I* am! I mean, Christ, have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re wearing my fucking *mark*!” He took Draco’s hands. “Just like I wear yours, because what we have is *permanent*, Draco.” They held each other’s gazes for a long moment before Draco sighed.
“And you’ll break up with Weasley?”
“I will if you’ll break up with Seamus.” Draco swallowed hard.
“I can’t--”
“You can. Say you will.”
“I will.”
******************************
Harry broke up with Ginny that night, whereas Draco spent the next two weeks in constant turmoil. Every time Seamus told he loved him, he had to fight not to flinch.
When he finally sat Seamus down and told him he ‘didn’t think they should see each other anymore’, Seamus’ said a lot, in a voice choked with tears he didn’t shed, but Draco only half heard it. Finally, Seamus sighed and said,
“I guess I’ll go over to Dean’s.”
“Oh, no, no, I’ll go to Max’s.”
“You can have the flat if you want.” Draco winced.
“I couldn’t do that. You stay, I’ll go. I’ll start packing tomorrow.” They’re parting kiss was short and bittersweet. Mostly, Draco thought, bitter.
******************************
Draco went to Lance and Max’s, neither of whom offered an opinion on his sudden split with Seamus. He spent two hours in the bath, stroking his scar and wondering if he’d made the right choice. He remembered the look on Seamus’ face as he’d stumbled through his break-up speech, and when he’d offered him the flat; whether it was the right or wrong choice, it was definitely the selfish one.
******************************
He found a flat a week later. Every time he had gone to pack, Seamus had been out, and Dean brought him the last of his stuff.
“It’s amazing how much stuff was over there considering you only lived there for a month.” Dean said, setting down the final box.
“Did Seamus send you over here?”
“Um, yeah.”
“Is he okay? I mean, is he still upset?”
“Of course he’s still upset, you prat. He bloody loves you. I think he’s doing alright through. He hasn’t thrown himself out the window, in any case.” Draco looked down at the floor.
“Are you mad at me?” Dean paused.
“I’m not *mad*, I’m just--*disappointed*. I thought you and Seamus were in love.” Draco started to say, ‘We were’, but stopped.
“Things just don’t work out sometimes.” He said finally. Dean gave him a sad look and didn’t reply.
*************************
Harry came the night he had finished moving in and fucked him in every room of the flat. As Harry’s fingers stroked lazily over his lightening bolt and he whispered ’I love you’s in his ear, Draco thought that perhaps he had made the right decision after all.
*************************
The next day, Seamus came for the key to their flat.
“I could have just sent it with Dean, but I--well, I guess I thought you might have changed your mind or something.” He said, shrugging. He sighed and looked at Draco sadly. “Any chance of that happening?”
“Seamus, I--”
“I know, I know, it’s done.” Draco held the key out to him and their fingers brushed as Seamus reached for it. Their gazes held for a moment before Seamus locked his arms around him, holding him close for a moment. “I love you, don’t forget, okay?” He whispered.
“I won’t.” Seamus pulled back, his eyes wet with unshed tears.
“Try to take decent care of yourself, please.” He said. He closed his fingers around the key and walked out the door. Draco closed it behind him and stepped back into the flat. He stumbled back and sat on top of one of the boxes and fought not to scream.
Chapter 11: Contrition
It’s funny how
Even now
You still support me after all the things that I’ve done
…I never said I was perfect
But can you take me home?
-Garbage “Drive You Home”
He didn’t see Seamus again for two weeks when Dean invited him to his own dinner party. (Dean’s dinner parties were infamous for having no dinner, just an endless supply of crisps and lager.) It was, as Dean put it at the door, the whole gang.
This phrase included both Harry and Seamus. Draco spent the majority of the party counting how many minutes he had to stay before he could leave and still be polite.
Towards the end of the night, Seamus silently pulled him into the kitchen and said,
“How’ve you been?”
“Um, I’ve been okay. You?”
“I’m fine…are you any happier yet?”
“I don’t know. Seamus, you know I wish things could have been different, I just--I couldn’t--”
“No, you don’t have to explain. I wouldn’t want you to stay with me if you aren’t happy--I just thought you *were*.”
“I *was*, I just--I had to leave.”
“Okay…I mean, I just want you to be happy.” He put his arms out. Draco sighed and went into the embrace. Seamus arms went around him and Draco allowed himself to relax into the other boy with a sigh. He slid his hands up to Seamus’ hair. They both pulled back at the same time and looked at each other for a moment before Draco leaned forward and pressed their mouths together with a sigh of great relief. He moaned into the kiss as Seamus’ hands went to his hips and their mouths opened, tongues slicking together. As soon as the kiss was broken, Seamus’ mouth went to his neck, brushing across his skin gently, and Draco shook because he was so used to Harry’s teeth sunk into his skin.
Draco’s eyes opened and he started slightly; Harry was standing in the doorway.
“Don’t mind me, I only came to get the dip.” Harry said, his voice tight. He brushed past them and went to the refrigerator. As he passed them on his way out, his eyes caught Draco’s, and they burned angrily.
When they were alone again, Draco pulled away from Seamus and stepped back towards the door.
“I can’t do this, Seamus, I don’t know what I was doing, I’m sorry, I’m gonna go.” He blurted madly. He backed out of the door, leaving Seamus staring after him.
************************
That night, Draco’s doorbell rang at half past midnight. It was Harry.
“Hi. You know, you might have called, it’s bloody--” That was as much as Draco got out before he found himself slammed against the wall with Harry’s fingers closing tightly around his throat. “Harry,” He rasped, clutching at the other boy’s wrists. “What are you--?”
“You fucking *whore*,” Harry spat, dragging him towards the bedroom. “I’m gonna fucking kill you,” He said, throwing Draco on the bed. Draco inched away, massaging his throat.
“Harry, calm down. What happened in the kitchen was just--” Harry grabbed his wrist and hauled him up into a sitting position before shoving him face-down on the bed and climbing on top of him, pressing his face into the mattress.
“Was just *what*, Draco?” He hissed, pulling his head up viciously by the hair.
“It was just--I didn’t mean to, it just--”
“I should just put you out of your misery, you little cock-whore.” He climbed off him. “In any event, I should be able to remind you whose you are.”
Draco turned over. Harry was fishing in the nightstand with his back to him. Draco slid off of the bed and stumbled backwards toward the bathroom. Harry looked up at him and raised an eyebrow at him. “Where do you think you’re going, Draco? Lay down.” Draco took another step back.
“Harry, I need you to--” Harry stood up and started towards him.
“I said lay down on the fucking bed!” Draco backed into the bathroom and swung the door shut behind him and locking the door just as Harry’s hand got there. He shouted and banged from the other side of the door, rattling the doorknob madly.
Draco fought back a wave of panic and tried to slow his breathing. Hr relaxed slightly as the yelling and blows from the bedroom died down.
After a few minutes of silence, Draco cautiously opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom. Harry was lying on the bed, and he was silent as Draco came out.
“Harry, this isn’t right. I love you, but I can’t live like this, not again.” He went to the bedroom door. “I’m sorry, but I can’t be yours anymore, never again.” Harry did not speak and Draco did not ask.
***************************
Draco had not set out for Seamus’ apartment, but when Seamus opened the door, he was glad that was where he had winded up there.
“Um, hi. You know it’s one in the morning?” Seamus asked. He stepped back. “Come in.”
“I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
“Oh, no, I was up. Haven’t really been able to sleep lately.” He said with a rueful grin.
“Oh.”
“Uh, I’m glad to see you, but is there any particular reason you’re here?”
“Oh, Seamus, I made a stupid mistake. I thought I could be happier than I was with you, but I’ll never find anyone better than you, and I know that now. It’s not too late, is it? To come back?” Seamus shrugged.
“Are you willing to beg?”
“What?”
“I’m not really going to make you, I just want to know if you would.”
“Er, yeah, I suppose.”
“Well, it’s easy for you to say that *now*, since you don’t have to. But, you know, for you to go and just come back again, that I may need convincing for. I think you will have to fulfill my darkest sexual fantasies. We’ll need some feathers, some chocolate sauce, and possibly a rubber chicken.” Draco laughed through impending tears.
“Just answer yes or no, you prat.” Seamus rolled his eyes and put his arms around him.
“Of course I’ll take you back, you idiot. In case you haven’t notice, I’m a bloody wreck without you. You almost drove me to prove the old ‘Irish drunk’ stereotype.” Draco sobbed with a smile.
“You mean you weren’t an Irish drunk before?”
“Oh, shut up. I love you.” Draco whispered the words back.
Cool, silver light streamed in through the windows, but Draco knew his days of baying at the moon were over.
~FIN~
********
A/N Ta-da!!! I was wavering on which pair I was into until the very last moment. I hope I pleased both sides. To bay means to howl in long, deep tones, which I rake to imply sorrow. The phrase 'baying at the moon' comes from the play 'The Tragedy of Julius Caesar' by William Shakespear. I forget which part, but it's referring to Brutus and the line just stuck with me. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed! Oh, and PLEASE REVIEW!
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 01:03 pm (UTC)Man, it's over! Will there be a sequel? I really like your stories. Will you write another story soon? You are the only one who's still posting here! Keep the bottom!Draco alive, will you?
love,
Euphory
no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 01:13 pm (UTC)Uh, if you go to my journal memories, I have all the stuff I've written, including some that hasn't been here. Next is a dark H/D called 'Wicked Gifts', which I tragically can't post here as it's not bottom_draco. Thank for reading!
no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 06:13 pm (UTC)Re: Ahh, the end...
Date: 2004-06-12 07:05 pm (UTC)Draco: No, I'm not leaving Seamus, you bastard.
Harry: Please? I love you. :I snort incredously:
Draco: No means no
Seamus: I love you.
Draco: I love you, too.
End.
But Draco had to futher his unhappiness. I hate that he does this to himself all the time. But all's well that ends well. I don't even know if I want to read the H/D ending. Probably not.
XO, Otis
no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 08:59 pm (UTC)Do you have an AFF [www.adultfanfiction.net] name? Mine is IsisSang . Though nothing compared to this, I still write some. Review me? Lol.
You rock my socks hard.
<3
~G
no subject
Date: 2004-06-23 11:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-27 10:22 am (UTC)<3
~G
no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 10:57 pm (UTC)