Constructive Critiques Please?
May. 10th, 2011 03:07 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
fckyeahwizangst.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
bottom_draco Hello, guys!
I was wondering if I can get some people with some time on their hands today to seriously review my work. Any sort of help on improvements is always appreciated but, be warned, it's a dark and often times disturbing fic.
Title: Malfoy Manor is Not Haunted
Author: Lady Vonne/ fckyeahwizangst
Word Count: 14 197
Warnings: Abuse, Violence, Disturbing themes, Mental Illness
Summary: One-shot Dark!Fic. Lucius Malfoy is determined to fix his broken son, for the War has turned him against his own father and now he's infected with the plague that will be his downfall. Mental-illness!Lucius, Abused!Draco
Author Notes: I'm planing a sequel that I'd like to post after I get more feedback on the first part. Please, if you have time, I'd love for you to check it out. Thank you very, very much. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, as well!
www.fanfiction.net/s/6883412/1/Malfoy_Manor_is_Not_Haunted
I was wondering if I can get some people with some time on their hands today to seriously review my work. Any sort of help on improvements is always appreciated but, be warned, it's a dark and often times disturbing fic.
Title: Malfoy Manor is Not Haunted
Author: Lady Vonne/ fckyeahwizangst
Word Count: 14 197
Warnings: Abuse, Violence, Disturbing themes, Mental Illness
Summary: One-shot Dark!Fic. Lucius Malfoy is determined to fix his broken son, for the War has turned him against his own father and now he's infected with the plague that will be his downfall. Mental-illness!Lucius, Abused!Draco
Author Notes: I'm planing a sequel that I'd like to post after I get more feedback on the first part. Please, if you have time, I'd love for you to check it out. Thank you very, very much. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, as well!
www.fanfiction.net/s/6883412/1/Malfoy_Manor_is_Not_Haunted
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no subject
Date: 2011-05-11 06:10 am (UTC)I think I've commented/reviewed before in FF.net. Well, firstly, Harry maybe a lot of things, even an oblivious Gryffindork! But never stupid. The state of Lucius's gradual mental decline, okay, OBVIOUS bat-shit insanity... is not something that can be easily hidden from others and Harry visited Malfoy Manor quite a number of times. He would have seen Lucius in his state (or close to it) more than once. Sure, Harry might not have known exactly what happened but he should have enough reason to suspect that something is VERY WRONG. Frankly, I'm surprised it took Harry that long to figure things out.
Oh, and I believe, in one part somewhere... Lucius used the word 'icky'. I can't help but snort incredulously when I read that word and try to associate it with everything that is Lucius Malfoy. Would Lucius really use the word 'icky'?
P.S. Can't wait for the 'comfort' part of 'hurt/comfort' to come into play. Soon, I hope? *nervous smile*